Letter to Mark Bobby #8

>>> ..... anything. I mean I am ...... am not pretty. I am not ....... don't have perfect hair like..... that are supposed to be ...... in at the moment. OK...... supermodel and I'm not ...... nor am I an athlete..... nor ..... {am I} rich and successful... nor am I talented or gifted... WHO THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?! The only thing I excel at is self-depreciation, grief and negativity. Oh and of course ruining relationships. Brilliant! Why am I asking you to care about me? Fuck it. You seem to either have confidence or just be entirely successful - I don't know which or is it both? And here I am telling you how I suck but actually I don't suck - you'd hate to hear me say that! - I mean I have what I think are good bits but they always work against me. I can love people easily - but I get hut I can trust easily - but it is abused or disregarded - I can look after people who are sad - you know, lend a shoulder to cry on, offer advice etc. -but fuck! Look at how badly I 'look after' myself. I am also starting to believe I might be MAD. I mean it. I go thru the worst mood swings and I feel like I'm two people - happy and sad.

Actually also now I'm calming down a bit. I might make sense yet.

I'm not taking a negative attitude as such - I am perfectly willing to be happy 3/4 of >>>